Sunday, April 7, 2013

Doughnuts Are The New Cupcake

I think I might’ve mentioned that I’ve been staying at a hotel for a spell. When you stay somewhere long enough, you start to notice patterns. And there is a particularly annoying pattern that I’ve noticed with this particular stay.

Everyone seems to flitter like moths to the window light at my end of the hall to talk on their cell phones. I could kinda understand if any one of them had a room near mine, but none of them do. My room is the last one in the hall, with no room across from me and I know who’s staying in the one next to me.

So, there’s this guy talking on his mobile phone outside my door. LOUD. Discussing what should’ve been a personal matter. I looked to my wife as I grabbed my cell phone and then went the door, pretending to be in the middle of videoing a narrated tour of the hotel.

“This is the hall outside our room.” I panned around and put him in the lens view. “And here is the window. Nice view, as you can see …” and I rambled on a bit more as I milled around the hall like him, talking just as loud. (Btw, the window is not a draw for some breathtaking view … unless you find a parking lot and a strip mall across the street spectacular.)

He looked at me with a suspicious side-eye, as if he couldn’t understand what I was doing. He fidgeted and fumbled in his conversation for a moment, then he walked away, never saying a word to me.

I detected annoyance … I know it couldn’t be my listening in on his conversation, after all he was talking loud enough for me to hear him through a closed door. Couldn’t be that I made an intrusion in his space, since the hallway is public space. Was it aiming my phone camera in his direction? Worse than a gun these days, right? No worries, bro, I don’t have a YouTube account—though many author friends say I should.

But what the hell is the matter with some people? Maybe it doesn’t bother him when someone is outside his door talking about child support at the top of their lungs. But shouldn’t it?

After I went back in the room, my charmer asks, “Everything, ok?”

“Yeah,” I say. I motion to the newspaper she’s holding. “What are you reading?”

“Nothing worthwhile.” She sets the paper on the table. “Just an article that says doughnuts are trendy again.”

“Oh,” I sigh.

19 comments:

G. B. Miller said...

New twist on the old "let's get abnormally loud and talk about our co-worker as soon as he/she comes within earshot", eh?

Seriously, you should've seen some of the dirty looks/comments I would get whenever I had to pop my head out of my former cube to say something snarky 'cause two people would be having a loud and somewhat personal conversation that would prevent me from doing my job (such as it is).

It's like, if you don't want people commenting on your personal business, then take your business elsewhere.

Leah J. Utas said...

Gads, that's annoying. I love the way you handled it.

David Cranmer said...

GB, I'm damn tired of Humanity's lack of social skills! *slams fist to table*

Leah, And he hasn't come back. I did something productive this week.

Jay said...

Well played Dave.

Sarah Laurence said...

Well done! People can be so inconsiderate on cell phones. I hope you celebrated your victory with a...doughnut?

Dave King said...

Excellent response to the intrusion. Wonderful how intruders don't like being intruded upon!

David Cranmer said...

Thanks, Jay. And I owe you an e-mail, sir.

Sarah, The article says the doughnut has, once again, arrived. So maybe I will. My gut says otherwise.

Dave, They are locked in their own world. Clueless.

Fiona Johnson said...

Great post David, I hate how when I'm at all day meetings and we get a chance for a break and a coffee, now instead of standing chatting with colleagues that you don't see very often, everybody takes their mobiles out and make very 'urgent' calls - always at the perimeter of the room - as if I can't hear - but nobody chats anymore....I remain a mobile phone hater and only have it with me for emergencies - ie car break-downs or contacting my children.

David Cranmer said...

Fiona, The phone is attached to me but I despise it like a cancerous growth. Like you, I use it for family and so work can get a hold of me. *Pondering last sentence about work* Ugh!

Thomas Pluck said...

Some people think their phones have a Cone of Silence app.
I wish they all did.

Charles Gramlich said...

I love your inventive ways of dealing with irritants!

Oscar said...

By jove, that was a clever way of getting rid of him.

David Cranmer said...

Thomas, You have just stumbled upon the answer. Get a patent now!

Charles/Oscar, It helped that I was bigger than the little runt.

pattinase (abbott) said...

So many annoying things about people in hotels. Do they not know when they come down the hall at midnight laughing merrily, they wake people up. Same goes for seven in the morning. Do they not know that there are rooms in the lobby where they could talk to each other rather than the hallway. Nothing more fun that a hallway party, is there?

David Cranmer said...

They don't give a damn, Patti. Not one bit unless they are being wronged. Is that just human nature? Has it always been that way?

Ron Scheer said...

Your comment brings to mind an episode on the bus in LA not long ago. A young woman behind me was having a loud conversation on her cell, and when I turned to ask her to turn down the volume, she said to me, "This is a public place, and I can do what I want!" I'm guessing your guy in the hall held to the same sense of entitlement.

David Cranmer said...

It sounds like they were meant for each other, Ron. Question: why do folks talk louder on the phone than they would if the person was sitting next to them?

Ron Scheer said...

Your guess is as good as mine, David. And I don't think they could tell you either.

David Cranmer said...

Such a strange thing. I mean have them turn up their volume or turn yours up but that loud talking is not only stupid but annoying.