Saturday, April 20, 2013

Big Booty Judy and Vienna Sausages

So, you think you’re staying in a hotel with some class. It’s nice. The rooms are modern and stylish. The service is friendly. You have all the amenities of home, including a fully equipped kitchen. Just like living in a one bedroom flat (as my British pals would say). All with the added bonus of housekeeping. And a pool. And free breakfast. Not to mention a social hour every weekday evening, but you’re too whooped after work to partake. (Heck, you barely have the gumption to write, but the view of the courtyard with the meticulously landscaped area around the pool with flowering shrubs and palms is inspiring, and you place the desk just so you can look out the window and pretend you’re Ian Fleming at Goldeneye in Jamaica. Well, kinda.) It makes you forget that you’re staying in a hotel, away from family and friends, and tames the thoughts that you’ve put out your loved ones again. You almost feel a sense of normal.

Until this …

You wake up and head off to the gut-wrenching job. No time to stop for breakfast. On the stairs as you start down is an open can of Vienna sausages with a note from Big Booty Judy leading some, I guess, deliriously happy suitor to Big Booty’s room. “Almost there, sexy!” the note (didn’t come out in the pic) reads.  Another can of sausages waits on the landing and at the very bottom of the stairs is a condom -- still in the wrapper -- on the floor.

Before you get to the vehicle, the cold reality sets in … Yeah. 

21 comments:

Randy Johnson said...

A wonderful life...

Dyer Wilk said...

All I can think about after reading that is how the female Praying Mantis eats the male after copulating.

Charles Gramlich said...

Eek! I am officially appalled, and yet strangely curious.

Travis Erwin said...

Great story. I knew a gal nane Judy and yes she had a big booty. I can't however, confirm her love of canned meat.

Ron Scheer said...

Vienna sausages? That's the weirdest detail. Be glad you have a grueling job to go to.

Thomas Pluck said...

You're staying in a Carl Hiaasen novel.

Dan_Luft said...

At least the condom was still wrapped.

This hotel also sounds like a place Max Allan Collins's Quarry would stay.

Chris said...

I won't be lured by anything less than kippered snacks, personally. . . .

John DuMond said...

Vienna sausages? So... she was trying to lure an Austrian to her room? Was Arnold Schwarzenegger staying there?

David Cranmer said...

That it is, Randy.

Dyer, And means that the body is still in this hotel!

Righto, Charles.

Travis, And I found out there is a popular rap song with that name.

Ron, Ha. Good point.

Thomas, I hope it ends well.

Dan, Quarry's Meat.

Big laughs, Chris. Yes, stick to your standards.

You know, John, I liked Vienna sausages many, many years ago as a kid. Can't stand the taste of them now. No offense, Big Booty.

Kieran Shea said...

Can we please, please, PLEASE have this as a launching point for a BTAP challenge?

Leah J. Utas said...

Now there's a slice of life. Good one.

Chris said...

Julia says, "Whoever Big Booty Judy is, I love her!"

David Cranmer said...

Kieran, You know. You got me thinking. Just to see your entry. Especially after Banana Man.

Thanks, Leah.

Chris, HAHAHA!(<and that's a real genuine laugh) And you mention Julia and I'm thinking fashion now. Wonder how Big Booty Judy was dressed? Any ideas?

Chris said...

Give or take a couple stone, maybe?

http://banditbrand.tumblr.com/post/48044582681/bandit-inspiration

David Cranmer said...

I'm on board with Julia now, Chris! Pretty sure I dig this BBJ.

pattinase (abbott) said...

when as a two-year old, my son would not eat meat, we tried Vienna Sausage. NO dice.

Oscar said...

At least, the Vienna sausages were still in the can uneaten. What kind of a sweetheart is Judy, leaving all that food and notes around for anyone to read or eat?

Dave King said...

Wonderful! Reminds me of a hostel I stayed at once!

kyle Knapp said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
kyle Knapp said...

No, you should have put the condom on one of the sausages and left it before Judy's door-- knocked and then scurried off to work