I’m on the USS Enterprise, my first day on the job, walking
around in jeans and a plain old T-shirt. I’m led into a room that’s to the
right of the elevator in the original series. I know that’s not spatially
correct, but I have bigger concerns ... I’m worried about what color shirt I’ll
be wearing.
Please don’t be red! I
tell myself. In the room, I’m handed a ‘Spock’ blue shirt, and I sigh a relief.
I’m left alone to put it on. It feels comfortable (though I
remember William Shatner said in an interview that they were not), but it’s too
long, stretching almost to my knees. I don’t have time to think about it as someone
comes in and whisks me away, out of the starship.
The Enterprise is docked on Earth, and it’s a beautiful
sunny day. Apparently, back on board, the crew members on the bridge are
preparing for an emergency drill training session that I will be leading. Sensing
my unease, Kirk slaps me on the back and says, “You’ll do fine.” Then he escorts
me back to the bridge. The training begins with a scenario of another ship’s
crew in danger on a foreign planet.
“Open all frequencies,” I tell Uhura.
“Frequencies open, Captain,” she replies.
I speak loudly into the air, asking, “How many casualties?”
“Seventy-nine,” a male voice crackles back from the imagined
faraway outpost. Anguished screams and explosions sound in the background. They
are under attack from a formidable opponent. Probably Klingon.
I tell him what to do to save his crew and repair the
situation. “Keep me posted,” I command with authority. I click off the intercom,
and then as an afterthought, I click back on, adding, “But don’t call us, we’ll
call you!”
My lame joke is well received with everyone on
the Enterprise Bridge as they double over with laughter.
