So, you think you’re staying in a hotel with some class.
It’s nice. The rooms are modern and stylish. The service is friendly. You have
all the amenities of home, including a fully equipped kitchen. Just like living
in a one bedroom flat (as my British pals would say). All with the added bonus of
housekeeping. And a pool. And free breakfast. Not to mention a social hour
every weekday evening, but you’re too whooped after work to partake. (Heck, you
barely have the gumption to write, but the view of the courtyard with the meticulously
landscaped area around the pool with flowering shrubs and palms is inspiring,
and you place the desk just so you can look out the window and pretend you’re
Ian Fleming at Goldeneye in Jamaica. Well, kinda.) It makes you forget that
you’re staying in a hotel, away from family and friends, and tames the thoughts
that you’ve put out your loved ones again. You almost feel a sense of normal.
Until this …
You wake up and head off to the gut-wrenching job. No time to stop for breakfast. On the stairs as you start down is an open can of Vienna sausages
with a note from Big Booty Judy leading some, I guess, deliriously happy suitor
to Big Booty’s room. “Almost there, sexy!” the note (didn’t come out in the pic) reads. Another can of sausages waits on the landing
and at the very bottom of the stairs is a condom -- still in the wrapper -- on the
floor.
Before you get to the vehicle, the cold reality sets in … Yeah.
You wake up and head off to the gut-wrenching job. No time to stop for breakfast. On the stairs as you start down is an open can of Vienna sausages
with a note from Big Booty Judy leading some, I guess, deliriously happy suitor
to Big Booty’s room. “Almost there, sexy!” the note (didn’t come out in the pic) reads. Another can of sausages waits on the landing
and at the very bottom of the stairs is a condom -- still in the wrapper -- on the
floor.
21 comments:
A wonderful life...
All I can think about after reading that is how the female Praying Mantis eats the male after copulating.
Eek! I am officially appalled, and yet strangely curious.
Great story. I knew a gal nane Judy and yes she had a big booty. I can't however, confirm her love of canned meat.
Vienna sausages? That's the weirdest detail. Be glad you have a grueling job to go to.
You're staying in a Carl Hiaasen novel.
At least the condom was still wrapped.
This hotel also sounds like a place Max Allan Collins's Quarry would stay.
I won't be lured by anything less than kippered snacks, personally. . . .
Vienna sausages? So... she was trying to lure an Austrian to her room? Was Arnold Schwarzenegger staying there?
That it is, Randy.
Dyer, And means that the body is still in this hotel!
Righto, Charles.
Travis, And I found out there is a popular rap song with that name.
Ron, Ha. Good point.
Thomas, I hope it ends well.
Dan, Quarry's Meat.
Big laughs, Chris. Yes, stick to your standards.
You know, John, I liked Vienna sausages many, many years ago as a kid. Can't stand the taste of them now. No offense, Big Booty.
Can we please, please, PLEASE have this as a launching point for a BTAP challenge?
Now there's a slice of life. Good one.
Julia says, "Whoever Big Booty Judy is, I love her!"
Kieran, You know. You got me thinking. Just to see your entry. Especially after Banana Man.
Thanks, Leah.
Chris, HAHAHA!(<and that's a real genuine laugh) And you mention Julia and I'm thinking fashion now. Wonder how Big Booty Judy was dressed? Any ideas?
Give or take a couple stone, maybe?
http://banditbrand.tumblr.com/post/48044582681/bandit-inspiration
I'm on board with Julia now, Chris! Pretty sure I dig this BBJ.
when as a two-year old, my son would not eat meat, we tried Vienna Sausage. NO dice.
At least, the Vienna sausages were still in the can uneaten. What kind of a sweetheart is Judy, leaving all that food and notes around for anyone to read or eat?
Wonderful! Reminds me of a hostel I stayed at once!
No, you should have put the condom on one of the sausages and left it before Judy's door-- knocked and then scurried off to work
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